 |
It's time to laugh. Don't be miser
after all, laugh is best medicine !!! |
| Sports
Jokes |
| Skiiing
Accident |
| A
friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the
kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart.
Ski conditions
were perfect, 12-below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness
all over,the "tell me when we're having fun" kind
of day. One of the women in the group complained to her husband
that she was in dire need of a restroom.
He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief
waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room
for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course,
and the pain did not go away. If you have ever had nature
hit its panic button in you,
then you know that a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't
help matters.
So, with time running out, the woman weighed her options.
Her husband, picking up on the intensity of her pain, suggested
that since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit,
she should just go off in the
woods. No one would even notice, he assured her. The
white would provide more than adequate camouflage.
So she headed for the tree line, began disrobing, and proceeded
to do her thing. If you have ever parked on the side
of a slope, then you know there is a right way and a wrong
way to set your skis so you don't move.
Yup, you got it. She had them positioned the wrong way.
Steep slopes are not forgiving, even during embarrassing moments.
Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward,
out of control,racing
through the trees, somehow missing all of them and out onto
another slope.
Her derriere and her reverse side were still bare, her pants
down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all the
while. She continued on backwards, totally out of control,
creating an unusual vista for the other skiers.
The woman
skied, if you define that verb loosely, back under the ski
lift and finally collided violently with a pylon. The
badnews was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull
up her ski pants.
At long
last her husband arrived, put an end to her nudie show, then
went to the base of the mountain and summoned the ski patrol,
who transported her to a hospital.
In the emergency room she was regrouping when a man with an
obviously broken leg was put into the bed next to hers.
"So
how'd you break your leg?" she asked, making small talk.
"It was the darndest thing you ever saw", he said.
"I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly I couldn't
believe my eyes. There was this crazy woman skiing backward
out of control down the mountain with her bare bottom hanging
out of her clothes and her pants down around her knees. I
leaned over to get a better look and I guess I didn't
realize how far I'd moved. I fell out of the lift....
...So how'd you break your arm?" |
| Back
Up! |
| It
was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his
pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice
came over the clubhouse speaker -
"Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up
to the men's tee!"
Mike
was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the
interruption. Again the announcement - "Would the man
on the women's tee kindly back up to the men's tee! Please!"
Mike
had had enough. He turned and shouted, "Would the announcer
in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second
shot!" |
| We
Pick You |
A
local community club was organizing a baseball team. They could
only muster eight players, and were hard put to find a ninth.
In desperation, they called on a new member, a very reserved
Englishman who had just moved into the neighborhood from London,
to join their team.
During their first game, the Englishman came to bat. On the
very first pitch, he knocked the ball out of the park.
The team members stood there, dumfounded. Unfortunately, so
did the Englishman. "Run!" his teammates cried. "For
Pete's sake, run!"
The Brit turned and stared at them icily. "I jolly well
shan't run," he replied. "I'm perfectly willing to
buy you chaps another ball." |
| Just
Doin' What I'm Told! |
"You're
going out to play golf again?" his wife complained.
"I'm only doing under doctors orders."
"Do I look stupid to you?!"
"But its true," he said, while walking out the door.
"He told me specifically that I should get some iron
everyday." |
| That's
my ball |
Two
Tennessee men were starting a round of golf together. On the
first tee, the first guy smacked a beautiful drive down the
center of the fairway. With a smile, he picked up the tee and
walked to the cart.
The second guy cranked another good drive down the center of
the fairway, Pleased, he hopped in the cart.
When they arrived to the golf balls, they noticed that they
were 10 yds. apart.
"That's mine up there" said the first guy pointing
to the ball closer to the green.
"No way, I outdrove you easily" said the second guy.
Before you know it, fists were flying. After a brief scuffle,
the second guy stopped and said, "I know how we can solve
this
problem!"
"How?"
"We will get the clubhouse pro out here!"
Sure enough, they drove back to the clubhouse and got him, dragged
him out to the fairway. Studying the situation for a few minutes
the pro finally said, "I know to solve this!"
"How" said the first guy?
"Yeah, How" yelled the second.
Replied the pro, "Who's hittin' the yellow ball?" |
For
more sports jokes, click here |
|
Form
Data Entry / conversion / processing