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Employment Examination
A young guy Irishman named Hobbes applied for a position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager.

Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the American the job.”

Hobbes: “And why would you be doing that? We both got 9  questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!”

Manager: “We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed.”

Hobbes: “And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?”

Manager: “Simple. The American put down on question # 5, ‘I  don’t know.’ You put down ‘Neither do I.'”

Two men held up a bank. They cleaned out the cash  drawers and then herded the tellers and clerks into the vault. They were getting ready to make their get away when one of the tellers whispered, “Hey, buddy, would you do me a favor?”

One of the robbers said, “What’s on your mind, pal?”

“Would you mind taking the books, too? Because I’m five thousand short.”

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was saying to his lawyer, “If I lose this case, I’ll be ruined.”

“It’s in the judge’s hands now,” said the lawyer.

“Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?” asked the defendant.

“Oh no!” said the lawyer. “This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even find you in contempt of the court. In fact, you shouldn’t even smile at the judge.”

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, “Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked.”

“I’m sure we would have lost the case if you’d sent them,” said the lawyer.

“But I did send them,” said the defendant.

“What?? You did?”

“Yes, That’s how we won the case.”

“I don’t understand,” said the lawyer.

“It’s easy. I sent the cheapest cigars that I could find to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff’s business card…”

Bad News
Mr. Smith was in his hospital bed and had been getting many tests done. A nurse came in and stated, “I have bad news and good news. Which do you want first?”

Mr. Smith: “Tell me the bad news first.”

Nurse: ” The bad news is that your HMO refuses to pay for you to have an enema. But, the good news is that your doctor will be in shortly to slap the crap out of you.”

Comparing Notes
Two law partners hire a new cute, young secretary and a
contest arises between them as to who can bed her first,
even though they’re both already married. Eventually one of
them scores with her and his partner is quite eager to hear
how things went. “So what did you think?” he asks.

“Ahh,” replies the first lawyer, “my wife is better.”

Some time goes by, and then the second lawyer goes to bed
with the secretary. “So,” asks the first guy, “what did you

The second guy replies, “You were right.”